1995-03-03: Threshhold

Participants:

Holly_icon.gif Alistaire_icon.gif Chase_icon.gif Siobhan_icon.gif

Scene Title Threshhold
Synopsis Alistaire finally comes to visit Holly about her attack on Siobhan. Things escalate.
Location Holly's cottage, Hogsmeade
Date March 3, 1995
Watch For Alistaire's use of law!
Logger Holly

It's a quiet evening. The sun's just gone down, and Holly's again checking her calender, marking off yet another day. It's March already, and she's halfway to her second full moon, which makes her nervous. It wasn't so bad the first time around, though.

The evening with Jack a few days ago was pretty much the happiest she's been since this happened. Unfortunately, things went downhill from there, bringing a healthy dose of guilt along with the normal unease she'll probably feel every time she starts on the upward slope of the lunar cycle. Eventually, she'll get used to it, she's sure, but for now, she'll just have to be careful. Luckily, she hasn't hit the point yet where she can't relax, and so Holly settles herself down onto the couch. Mo is there almost right after, pressing her head against Holly's hand for a little loving. It's been a busy day, and the remains of work are still scattered about the cottage.

—-

Alistaire Phoenix had just had the worst scare of his life since coming home and finding his wife and children murdered. Harboring that fear, turning it into anger, he storms through Hogsmeade, coming from the direction of Hogwarts, and he zeroes in a particular cottage. While his rage is very much in the 'towering' category, he at least adheres to some kind of social graces and knocks on the door. Or rather, he bangs on it rather loudly and rudely.

—-

Holly's juuust closing her eyes in an attempt to drift off to sleep, when she finds herself in one of those dreams where she's falling forever, and the knock on the door is the ground that she just about smacks into as she jolts awake. This causes Mo to startle, and she goes running down the hall so she can attempt to get her big backside under Holly's bed. Inevitably, that'll fail, and she'll just hide in the pillows. "Hang on," she says, rubbing her eyes and getting to her feet. She makes her way over to the door, and when she opens it, she sees Alistaire Phoenix. Familiar, but she hasn't had the pleasure of actually talking to him much. "Is something wrong?"

—-

"Yes, there is," Alistaire replies curtly, anger snapping the edges of his words. "May I come in?" The polite words are clearly forced out, but he makes them anyway, so he can't be accused of breaking and entering. "There's something we need to discuss about your attack on Siobhan." The fact he refers to the young woman by her first name is probably red flag #1.

—-

Holly blinks at Alistaire's words. They're certainly a good wake-up call, that's for certain, and it pushes the sleep right out of her mind. There's nothing else she can do except step out of the way and allow him into her home. After all, he was there when she was rescued. "That was a month ago," she says. "Almost to the day. We've spoken since then, Mister Phoenix." Her words are chosen carefully, but she can already feel her heart beating in her throat. Everyone's been so good to her about it… "It was an accident."

—-

"You can't afford accidents anymore," he says as he takes the invitation and enters the cottage. "Not if you want to have someone in the Ministry actually hold you to the pre-Umbridge laws regarding werewolves. I'm sorry her thugs made you into one, but you now have to be more responsible than you've ever been, else you'll make other people into werewolves or injure them, and they might not be as 'lucky' as Siobhan was."

—-

"You really came all the way here to tell me that? I know!" she says. The threat hanging over her head isn't missed. She knows very well that Alistaire could be that person. He's got the pull, since he was, after all, one of the people responsible for capturing the old toad.

It feels like he's pushing this in her face, and she's just not ready to have this conversation. "I take the potion. There's no way I'm going to make other people into— " Werewolves. It's hard to talk about in this context. Accepting the fact that she is one is different from accepting the dangers. "If you know her so well, you should have warned her not to come into my home, shouting at me a week before the full moon!"

—-

"Oh, so now you're going to let any little thing provoke you into a physical attack?" Alistaire asks in a deadly calm voice. "Is that your defense, counselor?" His use of the legal terms is deliberate and pointed. "I don't know which state of denial you're in, but it's not just a river in Egypt, lady. You could have /killed/ her, or worse, permanently damaged her in a way that St. Mungo's still has no bloody clue how to fix!" The anger is still there, but also fear. Deep-rooted fear that he can't control just yet.

—-

Through the front door storms Chase, bundled up as usual in a pristine and white snowsuit with only her eyes visible thanks to scarves and other warm materials. In her hands she holds a piece of parchment, her handwriting upon it so small and cramped that she may very well have written a novel on there. She waves it in the air a little, "What is up with these British people?" She closes the door behind her, "You shouldn't leave the door open. You'll catch a cold."

—-

"No!" Of course she's not! Is she? She does note the use of Alistaire's legal terminology, and it makes her feel awful. Yes, she's been using excuses, but she has been getting better. Hasn't she? Oh god, what if she hasn't? What if she's just deluding herself into thinking so? "No, I wouldn't have killed her," she states, but her voice is uncertain. Remembering back to that moment, it quickly evolved into wanting to scare Siobhan to wanting to seriously maim her. The images in her head - long denied - are still fresh. Hell, she wouldn't even admit them to herself at first. At the time, she wanted Jack's little sister to bleed.

Jesus. She's not ready for this. And while she expected people to yell and scream at her, she didn't expect it so long after. The worst part is, she's starting to become angry again, and she's not sure she can prevent it. Gritting her teeth together, she narrows her eyes at the man. More vehemently, taking a step toward Alistaire almost threateningly, she says, "You have absolutely no idea how hard this is. I'm dealing with it." Maybe he's right. Maybe she is going to let everything provoke her. How does she stop it? She can't. She's got this image in her head of running her fingernails down Alistaire's face. "Maybe if you would have gotten there a few minutes earlier - or later - we wouldn't have to have this conversation."

And there's Chase. Brown eyes look almost resentfully at the blonde. She doesn't have to deal with it. Not at all.

—-

The Auror turns with wand in hand toward the door when it opens, but he doesn't fire any spells off, as he spies the roommate. "Hello," he greets her in the distracted air of a man who has other fish to fry right now. "Dealing with it?" he then asks in a cool tone of voice toward Holly. "By getting your dander up at the first person who's going to hold you to the simple fact that you're a danger as long as you keep trying to deny what you are. I have no time or patience to coddle you, Miss Maplewood, and you can't afford to coddle yourself. You also can quite cheerfully stop blaming me or Sirius or Jack for our timing in trying to rescue you, thank you very much. What if the next person you decide to claw is Jack, hmm? What if it's your mate Sirius? You /have/ to consider the fact that you have to be in control of yourself /all the time/, else you're going to wind up killing or hurting the people /you/ love, much less the one person in all this world that /I/ love." Such a stark admission.

Not quite the reaction Chase was hoping for - and she's hardly wired for defence when the wand is turned on her. She simply puts her hands in the air and blinks a couple of times. When it becomes apparent she isn't going to get hurt, she just kind of hovers by the door awkwardly.

—-

She's starting not to hear Alistaire anymore. And there's a part of her that's still trying to hold onto her temper, trying to prevent herself from snapping yet again - this is very similar to the situation with Siobhan - but she already knows she's failing. And there's another part of her that's saying why not? This is her territory. Her house. Even if this is what she wanted - someone to lay down the law for her instead of coddling her as Sirius, Jack, and, to a lesser extent, Lupin, have done, it would have been much better timed far earlier.

Yes, it's another game of pass the blame. Nothing is her fault, but despite the fact that this method of thinking is nothing like how she used to be, she can't help it. And before she really knows what she's doing, she's got a hand on Alistaire's shoulder - to shove, to scratch - she hasn't decided yet, and is still hanging onto that shred of self-control. There's something dangerous in her eyes, though.

"I've been beating myself up over this since it happened," Holly says, almost calmly. Like Alistaire, it's deceptively so. "I don't know how you think that you're helping. And unless you want me to tear you apart, too…" She leaves the threat hang.

Stupid.

Hi, Chase, your boss is a little crazy right now.

—-

"Miss Maplewood?" Chase ventures, perhaps not quite as aware of the situation as she should be, "Maybe we oughta sit down? I'm gonna make you waffles. I have a recipe and everything."

—-

"Don't beat yourself up because Lupin bit you, he's already done well enough beating himself up for that," Alistaire says in that infinitely calm tone of voice. "That wasn't your choice, and only someone who's seriously stupid or mental would blame you for that. It's what you do /now/ to accept your situation and do /whatever it takes/ to ensure you don't hurt your friends, your family, your neighbors, your employee," he adds, not looking at Chase, but well aware of where she is, "or even perfect strangers. If you're not ready to take responsibility for your actions and do what it takes to ensure you're not a danger to people, then you /should/ be locked up until such time that you can be allowed back into society." He pauses and then adds, "And if you don't remove your hand from my person, I'm afraid I will remove it for you in a way you will not like."

—-

It's suddenly making sense. It might be the point that Alistaire wanted to make, and it might not be, but Holly's coming to the realisation that she's just not ready to be free yet. Essentially, she got no counseling. No instruction on how to live properly and put a cap on the emotions that she hid so well before. She can literally see herself tearing a bloody line down Alistaire's shoulder. Can feel her own joy in watching his pain.

And clarity returns very slowly. She doesn't want to do that, doesn't want to be like that. For his safety, and also a little bit because she wants to, the hand on his shoulder gives him a shove. "Locked up, huh? Locked up. Chase, you can jot this one down on your poll." She hasn't stopped staring at him hatefully, despite the fact that there's this little voice that's become her conscience lately that's telling her to stop.

"Your Ministry put me in that hospital. As soon as I was physically decent, they shipped me out of it. You think they sent someone who's been through this to help me with it? No. I got Lupin. And he's fine - at least I'm not alone. You'd like to see me alone, though. In a cage." Holly's starting to circle toward the door. It's almost without thinking about it.

—-

"Back off, Jackboots!" Chase pipes up suddenly, becoming much less peppy and friendly legal aid and more angry revolutionary - who can tell where that came from? She frowns, stepping forward to put herself between Holly and Alistaire with her hands on her hips, "How dare you come here and harass a lady in Miss Maplewood's condition. Last time I was reading the law books, Britain wasn't a police state."

—-

"This isn't about the /law/," Alistaire says, a bit coldly this time, toward Chase. "It's about doing the right thing, which means anything and everything to ensure public safety. And that includes yours, Miss… what is your name again? Never mind," he waves that off, pointing to Holly. "Look at her. Just /look/. Look at the hatred on her face. Right now, it's willfully directed at me, the source of her irritation. When the moon rises, it will be indiscriminate. She won't know friend from foe without the potion, and even with it, all it does is restore her mind, it doesn't cure her condition, as much as I wish it were otherwise," he murmurs regretfully. "Listen, ladies, this goes beyond law, and the only safety is in isolation. A jail cell is an expedient way of handling it, not the best, but it will get the job done in a pinch. But you /can't/ afford to just blow this off like it's a case of spots that'll clear up by next month. What happens when a werewolf bites or scratches someone when they're not transformed is still not fully understood. Do they become a werewolf? Probably not, or that bastard Greyback'd be out biting people left, right, and center. But something happens. And /you/," he adds to Holly, pointing a finger straight at her, "need to learn to properly control yourself, so that calming your new nature is your /first/ instinct, not your last." His voice rarely rises, more intent than loud, and he refuses to budge until they get his point.

—-

Calm thoughts are starting to become harder and harder to come by. This is making her blood boil, and it shouldn't. "No," she says, though it's quiet, as if she's speaking to herself. Whatever it is - instruction, disagreement - it doesn't help as her vision starts to swim as red as it did the day she scratched Siobhan. She'll always bear those scars, even if they're just scratches. They'll never fully heal, and the young woman will have to deal with it for the rest of her life.

It's like a vice slowly squeezing away at her control. Being treated as an object. An exhibit. The werewolf, not the person. It's not true, of course, but Holly's anger is irrational, and no fault of this man's, or her aide's, or anyone else's. All hers. She hears Alistaire. She does. But…

"My CONDITION!?" Holly suddenly roars, rounding on Chase, grabbing the girl's shoulders, and shoving her into a wall, just before screaming into her face, "I AM NOT AN INVALID!"

—-

"There are treatments! Potions! I did some research - there are people right here in England who can make it! You just need to give her time to adjust … not strongarm her into — AH!"

Being slammed into the wall kind of causes and ouchie for Chase, who grimaces before staring wide-eyed at Holly. She's already not comfortable around werewolves and now she is being attacked by one. She can't say anything, though the colour drains from her face and her breathing becomes shallow.

—-

"Stupefy!" Alistaire never put his wand away, and he was expecting something like this. And he's not shy to use the spell to prevent Chase from being hurt worse than being slammed up against a wall and potentially asphyxiated. "There. is. no. time," he grits out, although there is sorrow on his features now. He's not enjoying this in the slightest.

—-

Holly realises what she's doing, eyes softening just a little as she continues to literally bare her teeth at her aide. It's just after that that she hears the spell, sees the red flash of light out of the corner of her eye, and— Then nothing.

Her eyes roll back, and she crumples to floor, completely dazed, and mostly unconscious. She groans, but makes no attempt to move.

—-

As Chase sees the look in Holly's eyes followed by the collapsing under the spell, she gasps and rounds on Ali swiftly - very quick and unusually coordinated for her. She shouts out some gravelly, unpleasant-sounding word that might be a Goblin swear she picked up back home and then aims a right hook at Alistaire's jaw.

—-

Alistaire catches the incoming punch with his eyes, and is already trying to move out of the way, but his ducking skills weren't all that great. However, due to his attempt to avoid the hit, it grazes more than actually lands, his head snapping around. "That's enough of that," he says to Chase, even as he slips past her to try and scoop Holly up in his arms so as to put her gently on the couch. "This is why she needs to learn control," he adds with a sigh. "When she gets that look in her eyes, she's out of control. She couldn't tell you were friend or foe, and if you're not willing to Stun her straight up, if you hesitate, or if I hadn't been here, you'd be dead or worse, permanently disfigured." He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair, blowing out a sigh.

—-

It was a quiet night in Hogsmeade. was being the key word, until some very loud screaming came from Holly's cottage down Ivy lane. The door is closed, but unlocked, the lights on and visible through the windows. Through them can be seen two people - Alistaire and Chase. The latter has just played Russian Roulette with her life by attempting to punch out an auror - anyone close might have even seen it through the window. The former has just set an unconscious Holly onto the couch, where she's still lying, one arm draped over the side.

—-

Siobhan had had enough of this nightmare business. Really, it's a bit pathetic to have to rely on Dreamless before you're even twenty. Plus, she has a bit of informing to do. Holly may be the current top of THINGS THAT SCARE ME SHITLESS list, but she still deserves a warning. So it is that Sio's donned her black cloak and a Notice-Me-Not Charm, and has made her way stealthily - albeit stiffly - from the castle. Turning onto Holly's street, however, brings her within earshot of some very strange noises. She approaches the window with caution…just in time to see Chase take a swing at…Alistaire?!?!? Very quickly things start to click in Siobhan's head, and the picture they form is not a pretty one. Hurrying as best she can, she smacks her wand against her wrist and Alohamora finishes off the obstacle of the door.

"Incarcerous!"

She yells that out, wand aimed at Chase - whether she's landed the hit or not. No one messes with Sio's mate. Not even if they have good reason.

Unless that someone is her mother.

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE?"

—-

Opening her mouth to say something, Chase suddenly finds herself bound up in ropes and falling onto the floor before the couchwith a loud 'Oof!' - not quite able to brace her fall she bangs her head. Well, at least she has somebody to be unconscious with.

—-

"I had it under control, Sio," Alistaire remarks with a grimace as Chase goes down under Sio's spell, and he crouches near Chase to check on her head, murmuring a soft anti-headache spell a certain cute mediwitch once taught him. "Holly got pissy with me and lost control. I Stunned her, and Chase took a swing at me cos she was pissed that I Stunned Holly." He's not apologetic in the slightest as he conjures a rather pretty pillow for Chase's head to lie on as well. "And what are /you/ doing out of the castle, Sio?" he then demands, looking up at her balefully from where he's crouching, checking on the other ladies.

—-

It's hard to stun a werewolf for long. Holly begins to stir, a low groan slowly working its way out of her throat. She's actually never been stunned before, and while it's not pleasant, it's no Crucio. She can survive it. Her eyebrows draw down, chin coming to rest on her chest as she tries to stretch the crick out of her neck. What happened?

Oh. Oh no.

For a moment, she's sure she just blacked out and tore Chase apart. She's trying to remember the events between the last time she saw the girl and now - as she sits bolt-upright on the couch, looking positively terrified.

Looking over at Chase, she somehow completely misses the ropes, and only sees the fact that she's lying prone on the floor. Stumbling off the couch, she gets caught in her robes and trips, and crawls the rest of the way. Not a long distance, of course, since the house is rather small. "Is she okay!? Did I hurt her?" Looking back down, she… Well. She notes the ropes, and sort of freezes, before her eyes move upward to see Siobhan standing in her doorway. "I— " Silence.

—-

"Oops." Siobhan hadn't meant for poor Chase to hit her head that way. "You…you stunned Holly an' Chase," she assumes by that he means the pretty blonde girl now comatose on the ground, "was takin' a swing atcha an' you say you had it all under control?" You know, just so she has her facts straight.

But then Holly comes to - all rather suddenly, really - and stumbles face-first onto the ground. Without even thinking, Siobhan takes a step forward as if making to help her up, but then her brain catches up with the rest of her and she goes very white and very, very still. Collapsing instead in the very armchair she'd thrown her cloak over last time, the young snake tries to conceal her shaking. "I… I had t'come tell Holly. Had to warn her about Lupin." Warm brown eyes flit to Chase again. "Is she gonna be alright?"

—-

Chase remains quite unconscious and bound up in ropes.

—-

Alistaire looks toward Holly and then toward Siobhan. "Yes, I had it all under control," he reiterates, still crouched near the comatose Chase. "Budge up," he suggests to Holly, making as if he's going to pick up the poor Chase and put her on the couch now, since she needs it the most. "She's gonna have a bit of a lump on her head," he observes with his most excellent skills of not being a mediwizard but having seen enough injuries in his day. "But she'll be all right, I believe. Warn about Lupin doing /what/?" he asks of Siobhan in that intense way he tends to have whenever there is Danger present or soon to be so.

—-

God, she doesn't know what to say. She really is a danger to everyone now. And she doesn't miss that little pause where Siobhan decides it's better not to touch her. People are scared of her. Maybe this is why Jack is with her - because he's afraid that if he leaves her, she'll snap and hurt him, too. Chase— Chase didn't do anything but defend her. And Alistaire was trying to help her, too. Give her the talking-to that she's really needed since day one. It's been so long that she'd gotten comfortable with being coddled…

…And now she's not even totally sure she can get out of this herself. She belongs away from people. She doesn't voice her thoughts, instead staring down at her aide, before reaching for the ropes. The empty stare is back in her eyes; it'd vanished for awhile when she'd been with Jack, but now… She can't ever imagine it going away. "I didn't mean to do it," the lawyer says, though she looks upward as Lupin is mentioned.

—-

"He…" Siobhan pauses and swallows hard. "He doesn't like that I'm afraid of him, now. I dunno why, I guess he figures I should only be afraid of Holly." She shoots the barrister an apologetic look, even as she continues. "He's been…explainin' my fear t'people. Makin' a big deal of it." Her voice lowers. "Tonks an' Moody both know." Her voice is quiet, full of an exhausted fury. They would not have known if it had been left up to her. "An' I don't really expect either of 'em to do anythin' about it, but it's possible they aren't the only ones he's told. He may've said somethin' to Johnson too, I don't know that one for sure. I only know that for whatever his reasons, you an' I will be in a shitbucket of trouble if this gets out." That's right, make it out to be both of them. But by the sadness and worry in her expression, it would be clear - perhaps to Alistaire at least - that she knows the worst will fall to Holly.

—-

Alistaire watches Holly intently for a few moments. "I know you didn't," he finally says with a surprising amount of gentleness in his voice. "Just as you didn't /mean/ to attack Siobhan. Not as such, anyway," he adds as he works to get Chase sequestered on the couch now, so she can be comfortable before saying, "Ennervate," to help wake her up. "As for Lupin… Miss Maplewood, after this little incident, do you see why he would do such a thing?" There is no accusation, merely a question. A painful one for the woman to face and to answer, but the why is sooooo important. "And someone is in a shitbucket of trouble already for sneaking out of the castle," he reminds his headstrong and erstwhile lady.

—-

Chase is still mostly out of it, although now she's singing a happy little song in her sleep, "//Theeeey will come from behiiind … //"

—-

Lupin's been…

…Telling people that Holly attacked Siobhan.

She feels cold and sick. One single action could have severe consequences for the rest of her life; something she didn't consider when it happened, or even any time up to this point. She had assumed that it would stay among those involved, and it seems she assumed wrong. "You shouldn't be afraid of— of him," Holly says, her voice controlled, but tense. Thick. She swallows, closing her eyes for a moment before she gets to her feet. Yeah, this can't go on anymore. She knows what she has to do, and it's not breaking up with Jack. "Ah, no. I'll be right back." Turning, she heads down the hall toward her room.

When she returns, she's got Mo slung over her shoulder. The cat has its ears back, and it's glaring. There's also a bag slung over her shoulder. Walking over to Chase, she gives the girl a pat on the shoulder.

—-

"Stop bein' such an old badger, Ali. I've been sneakin' in an' out of that castle for - " She reconsiders telling him just how long. "Slytherin's priviege." And she leaves it at that. She may love that man, but no way in hell is she telling a Gryffindor about the Snake Den's warrens and slipholes.

The look on Holly's face just hits Sio in the stomach like a physical blow. "Holly I…" But the words die on her tongue. What can she say? Yes, she's sorry, but for what? As terrible as what she's said is… would it have been better to keep her mouth shut? And then she returns with Mo, and Sio's eyes soften even as her breath catches. "You're leaving." It's not a question. Poor Mo. Such a nice cat, too.

—-

Alistaire keeps much of his attention on Chase, who needs it the most to ensure she's not about to keel over anytime soon. "I was a lion, Sio, get it right. However, times are different than they've been the past few years. Dumbledore'd have my head if you kept traipsing out at the drop of a hat, especially when you can just as easily send an owl." His observation of Holly's impending departure is only in a flick of his brown eyes, watching her out of the corner of them. "So, you're a quitter, then?" he asks without looking up at Holly and her cat. "Big difference, after all, between running and using your brains and having your friends help you through this."

—-

Unfortunately for Chase, she does not wake up just yet. She is stirring, yes, but still quite out of it as she asks for a second helping of apple crumble …

—-

It really does hurt to know that she's just not safe around people. She tried. Really tried. "I hurt you. I — " She nods over at Chase. "Caused that," she says to Siobhan. "Chase is gonna wake up and be terrified of me, just like you are. And I can't do it." She smiles, biting her lip, trying to stop her eyes from tearing over, but she can't this time.

"Yeah, if you want to think of it that way," she says to Alistaire. She can't help the slight curl of her lip. Maybe she could have made it through this if he hadn't come over here. Probably not, though. And she really has to learn to stop blaming other people. To control her temper. "You can't help me. You have no idea what it's like." It's a matter-of-fact statement. They don't. "And apparently the only person who can help me is of telling the world I attacked someone. She— " Holly points to Siobhan, "is going to blame werewolves for what I did for the rest of her life. I can't control it. And you're right. I should be away from people." She pauses. "With my own kind."

—-

"Actually…" Siobhan feels compelled to point out that, "I did that." She points to Chase, then turns a weak glare on Alistaire. "An' just why would he kill you, exactly? Unless you plan on tattlin'…" And the tone of her voice would suggest that's a bad idea, but honestly, she's too tired and emotionally drained to channel her mother tonight.

To Holly, all she says is that, "You'd better go see Jack before you go."

—-

Alistaire gives Chase a most curious look about the request for apple crumble, but he finally looks up to the other two women, rising to his feet once he's assured Chase doesn't need him any longer. "So instead of apologizing and trying to work through it, you're gonna run." His voice is quiet, almost sad. "Being with your own kind, as you put it, means you'll never learn to be with humanity in general. The risks are great, but the rewards are equally so. Cos you're right, I don't know what it's like. But I know that some hotshot lawyer from America has the stones to put her nose to the grindstone and make it work… not quit and run. You stood up to Umbridge and her goons and got Sirius on trial… that took some brass. And now you've got something that's heartbreaking and terrifying and you're gonna let it win." He's so polite, too.

—-

Holly looks back at Chase. "Would you have done it under normal circumstances?" is asked. She passes Mo from one arm to the other; the cat is rather heavy. And she'll be okay around werewolves, she's certain of it. They don't go after animals.

She doesn't intend to go see Jack before she goes. He'll just manage to convince her to stay. And this is really something she needs to do - for herself and for the people she considers friends. Hell, she's the one who suggested that werewolves would benefit from being around each other. Learning from each other. It wasn't for no reason. Of course, she's not telling them that, because they'll try to convince her that she can get through this with just their help.

It's impossible. Holly has no idea how Lupin did it for all those years, but the fact is, Holly needs other werewolves, and to be around people who can tell her how they got through it. That's something that, no matter what, Sirius or Siobhan or Jack can't do. And with any luck, they'll never have to learn how.

Her eyes move to Siobhan's leg again - the one she scratched up. Ruined. "I did. I said I was sorry." Didn't help. "Look, I should have done this a long time ago. I mean, werewolf colonies exist for a reason, right? And, hell, I did so much work on 'em, they'll probably— " She laughs, but it's humourless. " Welcome me with open arms." It's a clue as to where she's going. "I owe it to people. And this is why I can't go see Jack, 'cuz if he said this stuff to me? Yeah. I'd stay. Shivvy, you don't want me coming after you again, do you? You don't want me to hurt you anymore, right? It's like It's like telling someone who's depressed to just snap out of it. I can't, no matter how hard you guys want me to. I'm sorry."

She glances again to Chase. "And I really can't even stand thinking about how she's gonna look at me when she wakes up. Make sure she doesn't have a concussion, all right?"

—-

"If you leave without tellin' him goodbye, Holly Maplewood, then you're not half the woman I thought you were." For the first time since that day three weeks ago, there is true venom in Siobhan's voice. "'Cause he put you first. I know that might not mean much to you, but it's a damn big deal an' if you just run off without a word, you'll break him." The anger starts to churn in her stomach and the young Snake watches her hands shake like an old woman's. "Whoever invented that curse needs to have it used on 'em until they die," she mutters to herself then pushes her skinny body out of that chair to stand shakily. Wobbly steps carry her over to Alistaire, who she pulls into a rather fierce kiss; because right now she needs to do something and that seems the least stupid of her current options. Pulling away, she murmurs something to him and then wobbles out towards the door.

"No, I don't want you to hurt me again. But I'd rather you tear me to pieces than have you hurt my brother." There's fierce love what runs through that family. Fierce, fierce love. Still, she doesn't say anything further, just slips out the door and slowly down the front stairs and stiffly back up towards the castle.

—-

Alistaire seems a bit gobsmacked when he's grabbed and snogged by his lady in front of the others, and when she lets him go, he tries to hold her hand to stop her, but slippery lass is slippery. Breathless, all he can do is watch her depart, staring after her lithe form. Thankfully, he's not drooling. It takes some time for him to shake off that young snake's spell and remember what he's doing here and who he was yelling at. "Er, where were we again?"

—-

These things are supposed to be inspirational, she knows. They're just making her angry, and that's the problem. The only thing she can do is watch Siobhan go.

With the young Slytherin gone, she turns back to Alistaire. "I didn't want her to know. And I don't want Jack to know. It's for them, just as much as it's for me. I set up places back home where new werewolves could go to cope with these changes. Learn to deal with anger issues. There are experts there, Phoenix. People who teach… meditation, anger management - I hand-picked a lot of them, and they're all werewolves themselves. People who've learned to deal with… this. So before you judge me and decide I'm giving up, just… think about what you're saying. It's hard enough for me to admit I need help in the first place."

—-

Alistaire spares another glance for Chase before looking over at Holly once more. "If anyone deserves to know, it's them," he replies quietly, but his days of calling her a quitter are done, he's said his bit about it. "As Sio said, you don't tell Jack, it's gonna kill him and drive him 'round the bend even further than he's already done. And Sio quite frankly doesn't need the stress. I think it'd be better for them to know, especially if it meant you'd be getting the help you need. You don't give them an explanation, who knows what they'll think, eh? Whoever once said that no news is good news obviously wasn't in this situation. They'll want to know you're doing better, Miss Maplewood, and that you're getting the help you need. In the absence of the truth, their minds are likely to conjure up just about any horrible story. Sio's got NEWTS to deal with… peace of mind is just that. Think about it." With a vague pursing of his lips as he considers what else he could say, he shrugs and heads for the door.

—-

Why not tell them when she gets back? That way, she's okay. In better shape to handle things, to explain herself without getting angry! If she tells them now, well, they'll do a good job convincing her to stay. Alistaire almost did, and she barely knows him. "Hey, wait," she says as he starts for the door. "Alistaire, please."

It's a gentle hand that reaches for his shoulder this time, if he allows it. "I know I'm being a baby about this. I know it's stupid. But I can't do it… Sometimes I barely even know what I'm doing anymore, and I miss who I am, you know? I can't take the risk that they'll convince me to stay — and I know Jack will try, and I'll say yes. I'll end up hurting someone again, and then what… Someone kills me? Yeah, I'm lucky it was Siobhan. And she's lucky to have you to stand up for her." She drops her hand again, as Mo, restless, attempts to climb off her shoulder. "When I come back, maybe I won't be such a chicken anymore."

—-

Alistaire can be stopped easily enough, his hand on the doorknob. He turns and looks back at the lawyer lady with the bite worse than her bark now. "You were never a chicken," he says almost kindly. "However, what you /are/ being is silly." Then he actually manages a toothy grin. "I didn't say you had to tell them in /person/, after all." He lets that one sink in, that smile firmly in place. "Just tell them enough to make sure they won't go tring to looking for you, and to put their minds somewhat at rest. If you tell them nothing, they'll turn this planet upside down to find you… and I'd rather not fall off the arse-end of the planet, thank you very much."

—-

"I'll think about it," Holly says.

It all stings, though. Maybe she can go, then send a message to them from there - just to say that she's okay. She does smile, though, enough so that she doesn't seem too out of sorts for the Auror's exit. "I don't think Siobhan would," Holly says. As far as she knows, the girl greatly dislikes her for being 'first.' That's just as silly as Holly wanting to get the hell out of here. The less she says, though, the less likely they are to find her. They couldn't honestly try to look for her if they have no idea where she's going. Right? Now she's just confusing herself - that made no sense at all. "Check on Chase in the morning, okay? Please?" And with that, there's a loud crack, and Holly apparates away, starting her journey to SELF DISCOVERY. Away!

—-

Alistaire once more looks at Chase, then shrugs and rifles the cottage to find a nice warm blankie to put on the poor legal aide. He scribbles a note to the lady to owl him when she wakes up, or to seek out the medical assistance of the nearest mediwitch or whatnot if she's not feeling well. The note also includes that Holly is gone and won't be returning soon, but that she'll be in touch in short order. Then, when that's done, he slips out the door properly and closes it behind him, heading toward Hogwarts, turning on the spot and apparating to the limit of the school's defenses to then walk the rest of the way to find the errant Slytherin.

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