1995-02-15: Initiation

Participants:

Lupin_icon.gif Holly_icon.gif

Scene Title Initiation
Synopsis Despite not being ready, Holly has to face her first full moon since she was bitten.
Location The Shrieking Shack
Date Feb 15, 1995
Watch For A huge language barrier.
Logger Holly

CRRREEEEAAAAAK. creaaaaaa~

Holly takes a few steps into the old building, and the floor sharply complains under her feet. So here she is; through the boarded window, she can see the colours of the sunset… Muted compared to what she's used to back home, but still beautiful. She wishes the sun would stop, and that the night wouldn't come.

Shrugging out of her robe, she reveals her clothing to be an old t-shirt and a pair of jogging shorts. Cold for now, but less likely to be missed when she completely destroys them tonight. Terrified doesn't even begin to describe how she's feeling. Neither does frightened, scared, petrified, or any other word that could describe her fear at this moment. All day, she's felt sick, restless, shakey, and now is no exception. She's taken her potion, of course, but it's the thing itself that scares her. The transformation that's coming.

By habit, she hangs up the robe, even if the hook she puts it on is covered with cob webs and dusty. "So this is it. My last day as a human being."

—-

A full moon is full of trepidation for all who do not wish to do so, and Lupin is one of those who has never wanted to. He just struggles through it because he has no other choice to do so. And tonight, he chooses one of his old haunts. The Shrieking Shack. Though of course, this is the place that Holly will no likely be in. One could say they've arranged to meet here. He opens the door a few minutes after she arrives, he opens the door. "Holly…" He says softly.

—-

Holly hears him just before he opens the door. Her arms are wrapped around her as she stares at the light coming through the boards. It feels so warm. "Hey, Remus," she says almost casually, looking over her shoulder at him. Despite the cold, her face is pale and damp, her hair, while it might have been brushed at one point, is tangled around her face. "I… uh. I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach," she says, then adds a nervous chuckle. Said laughter quickly fades into a frown. "I'm glad you're here. I dunno if I could do this on my own… How's Siobhan doing?"

—-

Lupin smiles at Holly kindly. He moves over to the broken couch and has himself a sit. "You don't look so great." He tells her quietly. No doubt she knows that already. It's what he does: He states the obvious. "It's natural to feel nervous. I do every single time before I transform." He takes a deep breath in. "Well, I promised that I'd be here for you, and I am." He shakes his head. "Miss Noble is shaken. I tried to visit her once more, and she was scared of even me."

—-

"I don't feel great, either," she says. Lupin's obviousness does ease her fears a little. He seems to be okay with it, even if he's outright said he's nervous. She goes to sit next to him on the couch, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Sirius doesn't seem to have that nervous problem. Then again, he's not exactly forced into it, is he?" There's a little bitterness there. And she starts to say more, but she gags, and fights back the urge to be sick right here. It's successful, for now.

Siobhan's fear is entirely Holly's fault. "I wish someone would just hate me for it. It'd make things a lot easier. Make my decision a lot easier, you know? I could just leave and never look back."

—-

Lupin shakes his head. "Maybe not, but Sirius wishes to help. He cares." He says quietly. Though no doubt she can hear him as right as rain. "He wouldn't be an animagus if he didn't." He explains. "Hate is a fickle beast." He says in recognition of the last statement.

—-

"Hell, hate?? I'm a beast. You're a beast. And I'm tryin' to make the best of it, but tonight, it's really hard…" Her voice cracks, and she takes a moment to breathe. Just to remind herself that it'll be all over in a few hours… Comparatively little time, when she looks at how many hours of her life that she won't be a monster. After a deep breath, she says, "I'll be all right. I mean, this is stupid, right? I don't even have to go through what you did. I have it easy." She doesn't have to lose her mind when she changes.

—-

Lupin bows his head. "Yes. Hate is a fickle beast. As much as you or I can be. It can make anyone ugly." He sighs softly. "You've got every right to feel as you do, Holly. Every single right. Trust me. But it's not the be all and end all." He gazes at the woman beside him. "Remember, however, that you are just human. Humans are not perfect."

—-

She's really quiet for a long time. The only thing that can be heard is the shifting of cloth at times when Holly trembles. She wants to ask what happened the first time Lupin went through this, but she doesn't want to dig up painful memories. She can imagine… A scared little boy, all alone and locked away. Did he even understand it when it was happening? "Well, yeah, you're an ugly sonnovabitch when you change," she suddenly says, trying to add a little bit of humour to the conversation. There's another period where she says nothing, and then… "That night… After you changed. I said it, Remus. And I meant it… I forgive you. What you did… I dunno if I'll ever get over it completely, but it wasn't your fault. And I don't blame you."

—-

Lupin doesn't do anything to break the silence. In fact, often on nights such as these, when he's preparing for the change, he prefers the silence. It allows him to prepare himself as best as he can. When she tells him that she forgave him, his gaze softens. "Thank you…" he murmurs. "That means a lot. You may not get over it, but I'm glad that you've forgiven me. Thank you." He looks around. "Now if only this home could forgive me. Though I doubt that shall ever happen. I have done much to it."

—-

Holly also looks around at the ruined house. It's definitely served a purpose, and houses don't exactly have feelings and souls. She chuckles to herself, though the sound is disturbed by another shiver. "Y'ever find yourself having these really deep conversations with yourself?" she asks. "Like you're… I dunno. Processing the whole world? I feel like that a lot lately. Finding meaning in everything. Like, I'd say this house would be glad it served a purpose if it didn't seem dumb."

The light from the window is diminishing, and the tenseness is becoming harder to bear. It's the waiting she hates. "Guess it won't be long now, huh?"

—-

Lupin chuckles lightly. "Well, I often sit alone, thinking about nothing and everything, as it were. If that's what you mean. Being as I am…as we are, has given me an interesting perspective on the world. Most specifically growing up with this condition. I've been given a unique view on the world." He speaks with thoughtful tones. "I do think I know what you mean."

—-

"Yeah, that's about it," she agrees, willing the sun to stay up once again. She knows it won't, but there's nothing wrong with hoping, just a little. "You were just a kid," she says. "I don't know how you made it." It's the honest truth. And yet, he's grown up to be an outwardly well-adjusted man. Gentle, decent, kind. It seems as if he should have turned bad at some point. "I mean, you've been at this for decades. I couldn't even go one month before I hurt someone. I. Uh." She sighs. "I'm starting to think it might have had more to do with the Cruciatus Curse than it did being attacked, though."

—-

You'd think he may turn bad…but he didn't. It's almost a miracle, really. Especially seeing as Fenrir wanted to make his own personal werewolf army, using children and their malleable minds to manipulate them toward his will. But Lupin's parents sheltered him well until he went to Hogwarts. "Do not blame the Cruciatus curse for how you acted. We all, in the end, control our actions when we are not transformed. If you do not start to put the blame on ourselves when it is our fault that something happens, then we shall continue to place blame on others." He closes his eyes and sighs. "We shall be transformed soon."

—-

It's not exactly the last words she wants to hear. Encouragement, maybe, would have been nice, but she knows Lupin is right. It wasn't the werewolf in her, and it wasn't the curses. Her fault. Lupin's picked the perfect time to tell her that, too, though whether it was calculated or just a matter of circumstance… She has no idea. All she can do is nod as she starts to feel the pull of the full moon. Breathing harder, drawing her knees up to her chin, she allows tears to roll down her cheeks as she stares at the darkening window, waiting.

—-

"You've taken your potions today, I assume?" Lupin says, to make sure. He certainly has had his, this time around! "Remember, with the potion, you shall be able to retain your mind and you will be able to control your actions." He states softly.

—-

"Yeah. Yeah, I have," she says quickly. And it still tasted like old sock. But she's already distracted, the sense is overpowering. She knows exactly what's coming, and the feeling scares her—

She sobs when the first sensations of pain begin, rolling sideways on the couch, reaching for the floor and sort of falling onto it as she tries to crawl away from the moon. Her limbs begin to stretch with sickening crunches and her face feels like it's breaking; the white hot pain behind her eyes spreads as her body contorts into something inhuman, and the screams that fill the room become more and more animal until it ends with a howl.

She can feel the presense of the animal pressing on her consciousness, but thanks to the potion, she's able to keep her own mind. Holly looks, for all the world, like a wolf now, and, with the transformation complete, she collapses to the floor in a tan and white heap, breathing heavily.

—-

Lupin's face contorts in pain as well as the transformation begins. He, however, doesn't not sob out in pain or cry out. Not just yet, however. As he transform, his mouth and nose forms into a longer snout. As the transformation finalizes, he lets out his own animalistic howls to the moon. There's no denying part of the animal side. Finally, before too long, he settles down and sniffs about. Slowly, he walks on fours over Wolf-Holly and nudges her with his nose.

—-

Golden eyes look toward Lupin, and she raises her head, before planting a paw on the ground and pushing herself to her feet. She tries to stand completely at first, before it occurs to her that she's much more comfortable standing on her 'hands,' as it were. The creature she's facing is the same one that mauled her, and the marks of that can be seen. Her ears are back, and she whines, taking a step backward. This doesn't feel right. She doesn't feel right in her own body!

—-

There's a loud snort that emits from Lupin, much like one would hear from a horse. If sounds could talk! His large eyes gaze at Holly and he lets out a small little whelp.

—-

He seems a lot less harmless than he was when he bit her, so she tries to see beyond the raving lunatic beast. The fact that she's not quite human anymore does help… After all, he smells familiar, and wolves are more comfortable in the company of others. There's also a restlessness… A need to get out. And that's all mixed with the fact that she's retained her own mind. She opens her mouth to say something, but, of course, it's only nonsense. She shouldn't have to speak to note that she's scared, though… Her entire posture says that, from her hunched shoulders to the tufted tail that's dragging on the floor. Slowly, she lowers herself down onto it, and places her head on her paws, eyes still looking up at Lupin. She'll be content to just lay there until the nightmare is over.

—-

Lupin paces the room, large eyes gazing all about. This is all too familiar. Comfortably so. What will he do? Where will he go? Will he wander the house as he's done so many times before? No, he stays in the room. But while he's here, he lets out a very loud howl. Gotta keep the residents of Hogsmeade scared, doesn't he? Keep them away from the house.

—-

Holly's head rises again, and wide eyes watch Lupin as he howls loud enough to let everyone know that there's something in here. At first, it seems like a remarkably bad idea… But then she remembers the legends. The stories. Besides, the wolf really wants to answer the howl, and so… She does. Slightly higher in pitch, her own follows on the end of Remus's, and she seems genuinely surprised afterward.

Sharp nails tap against the floor as she shifts, sending up little plumes of dust around her, and then she gets an idea…

She's not in pain, and while she's a little disturbed and, quite frankly, terrified of herself, Holly has to get her mind off things. Slinking over to Lupin, still hunkered, tail still dragging in the dust, she scratches 'NOW WHAT' into the floor.

—-

Lupin bobs his head in a little nod at Holly when she finishes her little howl. He paces a few more minutes until Holly starts moving some more. When she scratches on the floor he looks down and it and slowly blinks. And then he looks back up. Blinks. His giant head tilts and he lets out a little whining sound as if to say, 'Can't you ride it out and see?' Really, he's not able to speak all too well. And he's not in the mood to scratch the floor.

—-

Why is it that when she has a hundred things she wants to say, she can't? Her response - and somehow, she actually understands what Lupin's trying to tell her - is a growl as she turns away and stubbornly sits, shoulders hunched. Now what, indeed! Looking back over her shoulder, she gives the other wolf a bit of a slow blink of her own, and another grunt. Translation: I hate this.

—-

Lupin growls. If he were a dog, he'd bark. If he were a tree, he'd shed. Well, he's neither, so need to think of that. He lets out a little…noise of some kind, to tell her to not give so much attitude. It doesn't help! Although, anger is a part of the job, isn't it?

—-

She'd like to just lay down and sleep away the night, but the restlessness won't allow that. Maybe in the future, when she's more used to this, and not so unhinged about being something she's not supposed to be, she'll be able to settle on the couch and just rest until the sun rises again. But tonight, despite everything, she paces, she growls, she howls, and she makes it very clear that she's unhappy.

A couple hours into the night, she does seem to calm a little bit. Maybe she's finally just rationalised that she can't change things right now, so she might as well just stop feeling sorry for herself. Bumping Remus's shoulder, she nods toward the door. Time to explore the old house.

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