1994-11-13: I Am Bean


Julian_icon.gif Rene_icon.gif

Scene Title I am Bean
Synopsis Julian explains to Rene his reactions in Potions Class.
Location Waiting Room — Hogwarts.
Date Nov 13, 1994
Watch For Sad story, mild description of violence.
Logger Bean

In the days since the Potions Class, Bean has done his homework, gone to classes, even tossed a few ideas around with Oscar. But he hasn't really smiled once. Instead, he wears expressions that are fake, evident to those who know him well. On this weekend, Julian's had enough of the pretending for a while, and has sought out a quiet place to be alone if possible.

The day of the potions class that seemed to activate this particular problem, Rene made it out of the Dungeon in time to follow Julian past a corner- thereafter, his friend just sort of vanished. Divine luck or Hogwarts intervention, who knows? Whatever the case, the thing that had stopped him before doesn't stop him now; when Bean seemed to be ready to skulk off, Rene kept an eye on him. Slinking against walls as he follows, footsteps and presence as skillfully silent and small as the infamous Ms. Norris. Rene's robes seem to share the same nature, being dreadfully quiet even if rustled.

Finally coming upon the last place obviously available for a student to go, Rene pauses outside the closed door, leaning up against the wall to listen through the crack to make absolutely sure that this is where his dour little friend has come.

Julian hears the sounds of footsteps, and freezes, hoping the person, small as they may be, will pass by. He doesn't want company; that's the point of finding a tiny hole and crawling in it. He waits silently, trying not to move a single muscle. However, whatever deity has blessed Rene's way seems to be continuing to shine on it. Julian sneezes, twice, the dust from the underused waiting room tickling his nose.

Maybe smaller ears hear smaller noises? Rene thinks he has been as silent as the grave, at least compared to the clumsy older students with their gangly limbs. There is a slight muttering to the effect of it at least being recognized as informal French.

"I knew you wanted to be alone…" Rene's voice is soft, but loud enough to be heard inside. So why follow? Concern. "Are you unwell?" In some way, not necessarily physically.

Julian waves an exasperated hand. "Yes. No. I don't know." He gestures to a fairly dust-free spot on the floor. The boy's here now, Bean's not going to run him away. "Just bad memories." He leans back against the wall, and looks up at the other boy, his face a picture of mild sarcasm. "I have all the luck with Potions class, don't I?" He gives a chuckle. "Well, the one with the Felix Felicis was fine, but the others…" He waves his hand again. "I'm sorry. I'm trying not to complain or let this get to me." He has been conditioned by life that if something can get him down, he's weak. And the weak are dead. "I had totally forgotten." He scowls. "Whats the name of that spell? The one Professor Flitwick was telling us about. That could make us forget?"

Rene has put his face to the now open crack of the door when he listens for an answer, face framed by blond and blond framed by the dark wood and stone. He is silent as Bean speaks, eyes observant. Bad memories? He knows some stuff about before the other boy's days at school, but nothing that he does not let Julian tell him on his own.

"It is reasonable to be sad at bad memories." While Bean has been conditioned to store things away, Rene was raised to believe that to get through something, you have to remember all about it first. "Obliviate. It is advanced. Do not try it." Preemptive warning.

Julian shakes his head. "No, I was just wondering what it felt like to have it done. For a while there, it was almost like someone'd hit me with it…" Julian closes his eyes, looking much older than his eleven years. "I had almost completely forgotten her." Her. That's new information for Rene, probably. "I am Bean." At times, he separates his before-school life from his current situation with the change in names. Other times, they're completely interchangeable. "She was Winnie. We called her that because she lived in a box that said 'Wine' on the side." He shrugs. "Nobody knew their real name, or if they did, they never used it. I don't know if I introduced myself as Legume, or if they ended up calling me Bean because of my size. Made enough jokes about it." He opens his eyes, rolling them.

When it seems as if Bean is not going to boot him for certain, Rene slips in the crack in the door, closing it behind him. It is likely to be the size- not many kids know what a legume is naturally. Rene, meanwhile, is unsure now which name he should use.

Instead, he focuses on the mystery presented him. He nods in comprehension, tilting his head enough to signal curiosity. "Who was she?" Well, you know, besides the name and pronoun.

That's kind of hard to explain. "She was a really good friend. She'd share her bread with me, and sometimes her box…" Bean shrugs. "When someone kicked me out of mine." He closes his eyes. "I didn't really know a whole lot about stuff… I mean, when you're little, there's a lot you don't understand. And we didn't know why Winnie was the only girl sticking around with us…" He shudders, then falls silent. There's obviously more to the story, but at the moment, that's what he's willing to say.

Blue eyes aim momentarily towards the floor, and for a few seconds, Rene isn't entirely sure what to say. He knows he can't understand the sheer measure of Bean's life up until the past summer, but the least he can do is try to do so. For first years, both of them carry around inflated maturity. The blond lifts a hand to pull at his sleeve underneath of the black robe.

And that's all, for now. No more questions all of a sudden- he's just there- not uncomfortable- just seemingly waiting. For what, he's not sure.

Julian decides to turn the tables somewhat, his dark eyes gazing at his friend. "What did you smell, Frenchie? In the potions classroom? When they were brewing that potion? What did it smell like?" It's a simple question, and it may seem unrelated, or barely related: perhaps an excuse not to talk about his mood anymore. But Bean trusts Rene enough at this point, so there must be some other logical reason to ask the question.

If sharing is what it takes to shine a bit of light on his friend's mood, then that is no problem whatsoever for Rene. "What I smelled?" The boy draws in his bottom lip, thinking.

"Trees. Hazelnut creams. Nice." The city, not the adjective. "…The Mediterranean. The flowers they make into floats, during Carnival." And for a bit there, Rene wonders if Bean would think that event was as much fun as he thinks it is.

He'd probably enjoy it, yes. "Rain." It's not a comment on Rene's smells, it's Bean's own smells. "Garbage. Molded cardboard." He sighs. "Like I say, we're little. We didn't know anything, really, just she'd stay with me, or I with her, we'd both be warmer and less lonely…" This is extremely difficult for Bean to deal with right now. "We were — friends for almost seven months." That's a long time. "Then, he killed her, and I had to sit there and watch." His young voice is rough, old-sounding. "I hadn't thought about her for a long time. But those smells …" Brought the whole thing right back to the forefront of his memory.

Things take a sharp turn as Bean goes on, and Rene is, for those sentences, mentally bewildered, formally intent blue stare making like some beach waves and flickering openly on the surface. Now, he really cannot bring himself to compare their lives- worlds in difference separated them, and now the two find themselves on level ground here at Hogwarts. The school is certainly life changing for everyone, isn't it?

The blond boy cannot seem to locate any words, it appears. He probably wants to, sure, but gathering them into something reasonable is proving difficult. Rene can find, however, the will to pick up feet that feel like bricks and take tiny, quiet steps closer, one hand half-lifted, uncertain about if comfort would even be welcome.

Comfort, unconditional, friendly comfort is a fairly new thing for Bean, and he isn't quite sure how to handle it. Especially at this point. It's understood, mentally, but the foreign thought doesn't quite reach all the way to the core. He looks at Rene's hand, and gives a half-smile, a little more than he had in the days since the class. "The biggest thing is, I was doing so well, making friends, making a way, pretty much leaving all that behind…" He still is, at least in many ways. However, in some ways, he'll always carry it with him. Just how much of it he does carry right now strikes him squarely in the chest.

He draws a sharp breath, and leans his head back, tentatively lifting his hand to touch the other boy's. It's a stretch to even do that. "I probably shouldn't have told you about it." He realizes this somewhat belatedly, of course. "S'not the most…" He pauses, the smile turning wry. "…comfortable thing to talk about."

Even with the hardest work, leaving anything that poignant behind is nearly impossible. Nor is it ever easy to talk about. Rene knows that, and it shows. His brows have knit towards an upward bend, and as the other hand meets his own, the boy's lips press together in order to both keep his mouth from opening and to keep his steel when it comes to the reason Bean is hiding away as of late.

It's also kind of hard to say anything to the effect of 'it'll be okay' when you feel like your words have no real place in saying so. And thus, nothing comes verbally for the second turn in a row; but physically, the hand that had gone hesitantly outward turns just centimeters, Rene's fingers moving naturally to hold onto Julian's. He was raised under comfort. Another contrast, but one Rene has always happened to notice from the get-go. So as a result, any more is made in teensy, baby steps.

There is a long moment of silence, stillness, which seems to be where Bean finds the most quiet. He nods, understanding the gesture, if not being able to completely appreciate it. "Thanks, Rene." He shifts, getting more comfortable in his place as he still holds on to that hand. There's another long moment of silence, then he lets the hand go, giving a brighter smile. It's still not his full grin, but it's more than he's worn for days.

Thank goodness that it was enough- because even through the stillness, Rene cannot seem to come up with much more! There's nothing he can say, even as Julian begins to let go, and the boy looks straight forward to meet his eyes. "Tout ira bien." Whatever he replies with now, it may be foreign, but it is soft and still quite a comforting voice.

Julian nods quickly, his smile still there. He's dealing with it a little more. "I might go down to the lake for a while." He's thinking aloud, and letting Rene hear it. He shifts a little more, preparing to stand up, and frowns. "I'm Bean," he repeats a little more strongly, and stands. "Want to come along?"

For now, Rene will call him Bean- at least until it seems as if his mood has passed, then perhaps he will slip in a Julian to see how the reaction goes. Be it days, or weeks. We shall see. There comes a small smile, twitching at the edge of the blond boy's lips. "Mhm. Alright." It is almost time for the lake to freeze over, so perhaps this could be one of the last chances to be near the water until Spring.

Group: Rumors and Outright Lies
Title: Tough little Snake
"I can't believe they didn't dock points for that."
"For what?"
"Totally refusing to answer a teacher."
"Well he didn't actually refuse to answer the question, just didn't acknowledge someone was calling on him until they called him — what?"
"Bean. What kinda name is that?"
"Well, it fits. He's too little really, looks too short to even be a firstie. Maybe the Quill got the year wrong or something."
"No, he actually is eleven."
"Well, for a firstie, he's sure showing some guts. Won't talk to anybody unless they call him 'Bean'. Ever since that Potions class. Wonder what happened?"
"I sure don't know."

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